Monthly Archives: January 2010
Nottingham’s loss is Cambridge’s gain
This letter to the editor is straight out of the once-bitten-twice-shy school of tourism. Nottingham Evening Post, 26 January 2010: Letter: We won’t return to Nottingham MY partner and myself have just been for our first ever stay in Nottingham, … Continue reading
Filed under Letters to the Editor
Ring a-ring o’ roses, a pocketful of mucus
A new form of civil warfare is plaguing the streets of Britain: sneezing. Stockport Express, 10 January 2010: Protester cleared in court of sneezing on security guard Jennifer Williams A MAN who held a three-year vigil outside the town hall … Continue reading
Filed under Council hatred, Justice, Sensational headlines
Flasher stereo-types
Just what exactly was this salesman selling? Bradford Telegraph & Argus, 25 July 2003: £900 FINE FOR THE CAR PARK FLASHER A salesman who appeared in transparent tights and flashed at a woman in a gym car park was fined … Continue reading
Filed under Flashers
Polio mint
Welcome to the utopian streets of south Manchester, where £50 enables you to rid the entire planet of a vicious and crippling disease while still having enough change to cover a pint and a packet of crisps. South Manchester Reporter, … Continue reading
Filed under Letters to the Editor
One man and his (fetid) dog
Today in the region: heartless bastards strike again. Basildon Echo, 4 November 2009: Guide dog Hamish is ‘too smelly’ for Rose cafe By Max Orbach A BLIND pensioner is furious after his guide dog was refused entry to a cafe … Continue reading
Filed under Consumer rights, Heartless bastards, Upstanding locals
Gazette Faces, Vol. 2
Welcome to the second installment of normal, everyday, bog-standard, middle-of-the-road people like you and me showing off their best vacant stares in Middlesbrough’s Evening Gazette. Acklam pool fight is over We’re living in a vice zone, say angry residents Teesside … Continue reading
Filed under Gazette Faces
Hatful of Sorrow
Imagine the scene: it’s Christmas Eve and you’ve had a frantic day of last-minute Christmas shopping and pram-dodging out in the freezing cold streets. At the end of it all, you’re gasping for a pint. You walk into a pub … Continue reading
Tanned by the critics
The websites of regional newspapers and their public comments sections can provide a cruel source of humiliation for those making it into the news. Online coverage of what may, at first glance, have seemed a fairly run-of-the-mill ‘angler’s life saved … Continue reading
Filed under Bravery, Getting oneself in the paper
Word count: 652. Topic: custard.
It must have been a slow news day in the seaside town of Whitstable, Kent, when the local paper decided to run with the story of a woman who wanted to buy custard, couldn’t find any, eventually found some, but … Continue reading
Filed under Consumer rights, Getting oneself in the paper
The bleeding and the obvious
This Welwyn & Hatfield Times billboard was found in Potters Bar by Ben Ferguson. In tomorrow’s issue: the Pope is a Catholic heartless and bigoted fascist.
Filed under Sensational headlines
Snow: chaos, pandemonium and Armageddon
The most positive thing about the recent cold snap sub-freezing epoch is that folk who are opinionated and housebound – many of them quite literally prisoners in their own homes – have been left with nothing to do but write … Continue reading
Filed under Council hatred, Letters to the Editor
Gazette Faces, Vol. 1
In the first installment of a running feature on The nether regions, it’s time to introduce the incredible phenomenon of the Gazette Face. Readers: the Gazette Face. Gazette Face: the readers. Pleasantries done. A Gazette Face refers to the obligatory … Continue reading
Filed under Gazette Faces
Man threw profiteroles at wife
Being a court reporter for a regional newspaper is a demanding role requiring a firm grasp of media law, an understanding of courtroom protocol which might seem baffling to The Average Joe, and an ability to condense proceedings into a … Continue reading
Filed under Justice, Sensational headlines
Another satisfied citizen
It’s difficult to work out what this man is trying to get at. The Shields Gazette (South Tyneside), 31 December 2009: Dear sir, WITH the coming of the new year, I would like to suggest some headlines which I doubt … Continue reading
Filed under Council hatred, Letters to the Editor
