It must have been a slow news day in the seaside town of Whitstable, Kent, when the local paper decided to run with the story of a woman who wanted to buy custard, couldn’t find any, eventually found some, but it wasn’t the brand she would really have liked. There are few words to describe such a series of events, but somehow the Whitstable Times found 652.
Thank you to Thomas Oppe for spotting this story and illustrating that the proof of the pudding is in the bleating-on-about-custard-stocks of a 43-year-old holiday rental company director.
Whitstable Times, 25 March 2009:
Whitstable mum in custard shortage
A MUM of three is dis-custard after a hunt for the dessert sauce in the town proved fruitless.
Keen baker Jules Serkin, 43, of West Cliff, Whitstable, needed a tin of custard powder to top off her apple and blackcurrant crumble.
But she was left with a sour taste in her mouth after getting no joy in either Co-ops at Oxford Street and Canterbury Road, and in Somerfield, in the High Street.
Even a trek to Tankerton’s Tesco Express – a corner shop version of its superstores – was wasted.
“I try to support my local businesses, but in the end I had to resort to going to one of the big supermarkets to get what I needed,” said Jules, a holiday rental company director.
The article is too long to reproduce in full here because the Whitstable Times appears to have interviewed all and sundry about this saga. Some of the most telling comments are from Somerfield spokesman Pete Williams, of undisclosed age, who displays an admirable, almost freakish, awareness of his large national supermarket chain’s current stocks and a dogged refusal to adhere to the customer service dictat that the customer is always right.
“We are a bit perplexed about your reader’s trouble in finding custard in the store. It offers a variety of custards including: tinned, fresh, cartons and in powdered form.
“Today (Monday March 23) it has both Somerfield own brand tinned custard and tinned custard made by Ambrosia. The store stocks Somerfield Instand (sic) Custard Mix – to which you simply add water.
I think he’s calling her a liar. Good.
Follow the link for the full lowdown on this woman’s battle to get her just desserts.
5 Comments
January 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm
“dis-custard”: yes, brilliant. That type of low budget gag is part of the local newspaper that should be celebrated and never lost.
January 22, 2010 at 11:08 am
[...] “pervy trousers” allowing “direct access to his genitals”, a story about the search for a shop that sold custard – yes the regional press is a goldmine of everyday [...]
January 24, 2010 at 1:30 pm
[...] Word count: 652. Topic: custard. [...]
January 28, 2010 at 10:58 am
My friend used to live next door to this woman, and he tells me she’s bezzy -mates with the Whitstable Times editor, and is always getting herself in the paper. He also told me that ‘if she is 43, I’m a bats twat!”
January 31, 2010 at 10:14 pm
*stalking alert* I have just Googled her name and discovered that she runs a PR agency. So really we’ve just fallen into her trap. WHAT FOOLS.