Monthly Archives: March 2010
Frogs: massacred
It’s hard to believe there hasn’t yet been an episode of hit nostalgia crime series Heartbeat based on this storyline. I’d like to see PC Alf Ventress try to get to the bottom of this one. Scarborough Evening News, 26 … Continue reading
Filed under Heartless bastards, Sensational headlines
The Cult of Alfred H Lister (Part I)
The Cult of Alfred H Lister was founded in 2007 when I discovered the most baffling newspaper letter ever penned while reading the Evening Gazette in the bath. Middlesbrough Evening Gazette, 8 August 2007: Cleverness of laughing clown IT TAKES … Continue reading
Filed under Cult of Alfred H Lister, Letters to the Editor
Rat up loo-ille
Just imagine the scenes. Lewisham and Catford News Shopper, 19 March 2008: Woman on toilet attacked by rat A DISABLED woman was horrified after being bitten by a rat which came up through her toilet while she was sitting on … Continue reading
A-rousing headline
I’m sure they’ll have had a laugh about this one back in the newsroom. When you throw in the ‘romped’ and ‘cruising’ references too, it’s clear there’s something in the air at the Reading Evening Post. Thanks to Nowtas for … Continue reading
Filed under Sensational headlines
Top of the vox pops
Ah, the dreaded ‘vox pop’. A staple feature of regional newspaper coverage against all better judgement, this peculiar exercise sees news reporters regularly dispatched into the dangerous streets in search of pithy comments from the unemployed and those running errands. … Continue reading
18-30s hell
It is a constant source of amazement how often the regional media are willing to hand over column inches to whinging attention-seekers. Although anyone of any age with something vaguely resembling a brain would return from an ’18-30s’ holiday describing … Continue reading
Filed under Consumer rights, Getting oneself in the paper
On the Buses
Newsflash: senior citizens are only capable of keeping time when the big hand points directly down. Halifax Evening Courier, 12 March 2010: Why can’t bus leave at 9.30? Dear sir, IS there a legal requirement or is it petty mindedness … Continue reading
Filed under Consumer rights
Gazette Faces, Vol. 5
Welcome to the fifth edition of Middlesbrough locals and their glassy, gormless faces in local paper the Evening Gazette. The Gazette Face marches on. Middlesbrough mum’s blaze warning Fears after thieves snatch baby rabbits from Stockton garden Teesside greyhound trainer … Continue reading
Filed under Gazette Faces
Willow death man
Not many people have their schoolwork murdered, so spare a thought for these poor pupils from Basingstoke. Basingstoke Gazette, 6 March 2010: Pupils shocked by willow death man THE death of a willow man figure at the hands of vandals … Continue reading
Filed under Heartless bastards
Horse indecency man
Here’s some smut for your Saturday. Some people just aren’t capable of letting go of their vocation when they retire from the farm. Middlesbrough Evening Gazette, 12 November 2009: Horse indecency man in court A RETIRED farm worker led a … Continue reading
Filed under Flashers, Moral outrage
Twisting my melon
We’ve all heard of following people, hanging around outside their house, bombarding them with text messages or superimposing their head onto a photo of your pet dog astride your lap, but there’s a brand new method of stalking emerging from … Continue reading
Filed under Stalkers
Ludicrous adverts in local papers #2
Thanks to Jonathon Oake and ‘ideoforms’ for providing this advert from this week’s South London Press. Yes, an entire page dedicated to the opening of yet another branch of Chicken Cottage, an establishment which has always sounded suspiciously like a … Continue reading
Filed under Ludicrous adverts
Chinese democracy: lanterns and livestock
Occasionally, our political representatives look to make a name for themselves with ludicrous single-issue election campaigns. Step forward Liberal Democrat MEP Sharon Bowles: Bracknell Forest Standard, 22 February 2010: Chinese lanterns threat to animals Banning wire-framed Chinese lanterns, much loved … Continue reading
Filed under Getting oneself in the paper, Upstanding locals
Dog dirt digest
Won’t somebody think of the children? The Bolton News, 5 February 2010 (story): Dog dirt puts children’s walking bus under threat A CHILDREN’S walking bus scheme could be axed — because the route they take to school is littered with … Continue reading
Filed under Heartless bastards, Letters to the Editor, Moral outrage
