Monthly Archives: July 2010
Pavement people
Old people are quick to sneer at youths riding bikes down pavements but, as this story goes to show, they’re no better when it comes to keeping pedestrian areas clear. And they certainly don’t like it up ‘em. Surrey Comet, … Continue reading
Mattress misery
Some couples might feel embarrassed to find they get through more mattresses than the average porn studio, but then again, some might want to shout it from the rooftops. Croydon Guardian, 21 July 2010: Mattress misery An 18-stone man and … Continue reading
Filed under Consumer rights
Norfolk ‘n’ good
Top parenting tip: if you’re a terrible parent and allow your child to use their potty as a mouth, you can get away with blaming it on the local playground… Norwich Evening News, 19 March 2010 (story): Norwich youngsters pick … Continue reading
Filed under Moral outrage, Sensational headlines
Gazette Faces, Vol. 8
Welcome to another series of stiff-faced, sunken-cheeked twats making the pages of Middlesbrough’s Evening Gazette. Middlesbrough salon couple hit by arson Jobless Craig Fisher uses banners in bid to get work Hmm. Hopefully any employers looking to recruit a technician … Continue reading
Filed under Gazette Faces
‘We are coping with the situation and have been able to keep the carvery in operation’
The frenzied, overworked nature of modern day journalism means news reporters must ensure they have no flies on them. Except, that is, for when their paper sends them to cover a plague of flies. This signalled the collapse of society … Continue reading
Widow + foxy nappy = not happy
It’s interesting when news reports open with irrelevant detail about the person involved in the story; particularly when style guide conventions mean the detail is in capital letters. “A WIDOW says foxes are raiding rubbish bags…” Does widow status lend … Continue reading
Filed under Upstanding locals, Widows
A cock and balls story
Does what it says on the tin in the title. As if there hadn’t already been enough sequels of Free Willy… Middlesbrough Evening Gazette, 8 April 2010 (story): North Yorkshire shop owner has stone willy seized by police A CURIOSITY … Continue reading
Filed under Moral outrage
Hellraising a toast
Forget ‘daddy or chips?’, this is a real-life case of ‘the kids or toast?’. It’s clear where this father’s loyalties lie. Blackpool Gazette, 26 May 20010: Man slapped girlfriend in toast row A MAN slapped his girlfriend’s face when she … Continue reading
Filed under Editorial
Into the Dragons’ Den
Reader mistakes Huddersfield Examiner letters page for pitch in the Dragons’ Den shocker! Thank you to Anna Holden. Huddersfield Examiner, 24 June 2010: A tissue, a tissue? AN Examiner motoring column recently praised a vehicle for the provision of cup-holders … Continue reading
Filed under Consumer rights, Letters to the Editor
Here in my car, I feel safest of all…
…I can lock all my doors / It’s the only way to live / In cars. The local news is a cruel world. Who’d have thought a vicious readership backlash would result from a seemingly innocuous feel-good story about a … Continue reading
Filed under Bravery, Getting oneself in the paper
Parrotmania
It seems the local papers are going parrot crazy this summer. This story from the Dorset Echo is a good example of how the regional press will often choose to cover an unspectacular all-year event (such as a parrot that … Continue reading
Filed under Getting oneself in the paper
Parrotting on
Be careful if you’re out and about in the Manchester area: you could be accosted and taught naughty diction at any moment. Who’s a fucking pretty boy then, knobhead? Manchester Evening News, 30 June 2010 (story): Oh ****! Charlie the … Continue reading
Filed under Celebs in the 'hood, One of our own
