Responsible for the finest 80% of local newspaper content, you have to give it to the flashers.
So let’s go to our correspondents in the regions where you live for a flasher roundup…
#1: FAT FLASHER in Bromley. Will you ever be able to ascend the stairwell of an NCP car park in the same way again?
Bromley News Shopper, 16 November 2010:
Fat flasher hunted by police
A FAT flasher who exposed himself to a teenage girl in a car park is being hunted by police.
Bromley police are appealing for information after the man appeared completely naked to an 18-year-old in a stairwell of the NCP car park in Simpsons Road, Bromley, on October 28.
A police spokesman said: “At approximately 10.35pm an 18-year-old female was returning to her car when she encountered a male in the stairwell who was totally naked and carrying a red t-shirt.”
He is described as aged around 45, white, around 5′ 9″ tall with a fat build, has very short dark hair and is clean shaven.
What? Completely clean shaven? And what role was the red t-shirt playing in this? The mind boggles. Perhaps he was just caught out while innocently getting changed.
#2: ‘STRANGELY GLITTER-FLECKED’ FLASHER in Middlesbrough:
Evening Gazette, 2 November 2010:
A YOUNG boy has denied fabricating a tale of a bizarre sex act by an alleged “black magician”. The youngster accused Mohammed Anjum of exposing his strangely glitter-flecked private parts to himself and a young girl.
He then claimed the 53-year-old carried out two solo acts on himself in front of the shocked pair.
He is accused of lifting up his traditional robe to reveal a pair of ‘pink knickers’ and glitter-flecked private parts before carrying out the two acts.
‘I thought what a dirty thing he did,’ the boy said. ‘And I’m looking and he has put glitter on his private parts. It looks like it’s gold and pink glitter.’
#3: FAIRY FLASHER in Redditch: dog walkers are fair game, IMHO.
Birmingham Mail, 2 December 2010:
Fairy flasher strikes in Redditch
POLICE are hunting a man who indecently exposed himself to two female dog walkers dressed as a fairy yesterday morning.
The man who was wearing a fairy-type skirt, fishnet tights, a stripy hat and stripy scarf struck twice in Redditch between 7.20am and 8.05am.
PC Kirsty Dury, of West Mercia Police, said: “The victims were both shaken by the incident. The first victim described the man’s manner as intimidating. The other woman said he was aggressive.”
#4: SILLY LITTLE FLASHER in Kent. The best thing about this story is the reaction of the brave mum (aren’t they always?) who initally views being flashed as a mere inconvenience worthy only of an “oh, for Pete’s sake…” response.
Kent and Sussex Courier, 12 November 2010:
Victim labels serial flasher ‘silly little boy’
A 51-YEAR-OLD mum who was flashed at by a Hildenborough chef has vowed not to allow him to destroy her trust in strangers.
The woman, who attended college in Tonbridge, labelled 20-year-old serial flasher Sam Simmons a “silly little boy” after he admitted exposing his genitals on two occasions.
He pulled up next to her and she believed he was asking for directions – but as she was talking to him, he exposed his genitalia.
The woman said: “My first thought was, ‘oh, for Pete’s sake’.
“I wasn’t frightened – he’s just a silly little boy. I’m a very open person and I love chatting to strangers on the bus and meeting people. But unfortunately, what happened has affected me.
“Now when strangers approach me, I have that moment of doubt and fear, I think ‘oh, what now?’
What now? A stranger’s genitals in your face every single time, that’s what.
Only a chance courtroom meeting with the flasher’s mother was capable of healing the mental scars of this incident…
“But I don’t want to be like that and I’m fighting against that fear. He’s not going to stop me talking to strangers.
“He wants people to be traumatised by it, and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.”
The woman was present in court on October 12 when Simmons admitted his guilt. By coincidence, she was sat next to his mother.
“She was incredibly upset and bewildered. I introduced myself to her afterwards and we had a nice conversation,” she said.
“The poor woman – she was the real victim in this. Simmons doesn’t realise how many people his behaviour affects.”
Having revealed in her victim impact statement read in court that Simmons wore a “smirk of triumph” as he exposed himself, she added that he wore a similar expression throughout the court case.
She said: “However, when he saw me talking to his mum, that smirk rapidly disappeared.
“Finally, I wiped that smirk off his face.”
Thank you to Gez Daring and Neil Trodden for their ‘smirks of triumph’ while exposing these stories.