Archive for the ‘Editorial’ Category
Yes, that’s right, The Nether Regions is (i.e. back again). The haters can pipe down, the hiatus is over.
Back with a bang, and this time with an expanded team of contributors in hope of avoiding another stagnation. They are all unpaid interns, in line with coalition government policy for tackling unemployment.
Apologies to the loyal readers who have continued to turn to these pages over the past six months without any joy. The Nether Regions newsroom has ground to a standstill for now, but will be back at some point. Maybe. Hopefully, anyway.
If you want to keep track, follow on Twitter or request an alarm call from reception by simply dialling ’0′.
Forget ‘daddy or chips?’, this is a real-life case of ‘the kids or toast?’. It’s clear where this father’s loyalties lie.
Blackpool Gazette, 26 May 20010:
Man slapped girlfriend in toast row
A MAN slapped his girlfriend’s face when she told him she was too busy with the children to make toast.
Dominic Hulme, 22, of Horsebridge Road, Grange Park, admitted assaulting his partner on May 15.
He was sentenced to two years’ supervision and ordered to complete a domestic violence programme by magistrates.
David Charnley, defending, said his client had been in a relationship with his partner for nine years and admitted slapping her after she made a lewd remark about his mother.
Thanks to Mark Palmer. On reflection, though, this is an appalling news report. Key details are left out, and the story is inconsistent. Did he slap her because of the toast snub or the lewd remark about his mother? Or would it be possible to combine the two? ‘Yer mum’s a slag and yer can make yer own toast.’ Yes, it is possible. But shame on the Blackpool Gazette for not exploring this.
It is worth noting, however, that this isn’t the first time food-related violence has erupted in the Blackpool Gazette: Man threw profiteroles at wife. Whatever happened to ‘the family that eats together stays together’…?
Ah, the dreaded ‘vox pop’. A staple feature of regional newspaper coverage against all better judgement, this peculiar exercise sees news reporters regularly dispatched into the dangerous streets in search of pithy comments from the unemployed and those running errands. The aim is to survey the view of the man in the street on the hot topic of the day, but quite why this might be desirable is anyone’s guess. In the words of Sid Vicious: “I’ve met the man in the street – he’s a cunt.”
Nobody in the office wants it to be their turn to do the vox pop, hence many journalists look to pass the task to the work experience kid or new recruit at the first opportunity. Coming fresh into the industry and being forced to thrust oneself upon the awful general public with no meaningful journalistic purpose is a steep learning curve, and is enough to put some off the job for life.
Whoever’s turn it was to do the vox pop for the Nottingham Evening Post towards the beginning of the month found themselves in for a treat while canvassing opinions about the political nous of a prospective celebrity MP on the streets of Sutton-in-Ashfield – quite literally a world apart from the glamour of the GMTV sofa (obviously).
Nottingham Evening Post, 6 March 2010 (story):
Gloria brings GMTV glam to Notts
THE glamour of the GMTV sofa may seem a world apart from the streets of Sutton-in-Ashfield.
So when presenter Gloria De Piero quit her television career and moved to the Notts pit town, it caused something of a stir.
Although the 37-year-old remains gagged from speaking to the press about what she would bring as MP, one of her qualities appears to have been more forthcoming to people in Sutton-in-Ashfield.
“She’s peng!” said trainee electrician Daniel O’Neill, 19, whose description means “sexy girl” or “fit” in ‘street talk’.
“Maybe we need somebody young and good looking. If she knows what she is on about, why not?
Yeah! If she’s a sexy girl or fit, why not?!
Rob Williams, owner of sandwich shop The Filling Station, said: “It needs a shake-up around here. I have voted Labour but I won’t be doing again.
“I don’t think the councils are very well run. I spoke to Geoff Hoon about a problem I had and he never helped.”
Market trader Darren Heatherington, 42, said from behind his stall of colourful rugs: “Gloria is a nice looking woman and has been on GMTV. She’s got a good chance. A lot of people can vote for the wrong reasons.”
The decision to have an all-women shortlist sparked controversy among the local Labour campaigners, who had asked party leaders for an open list.
They feared that, because Miss De Piero is not local to Ashfield, she may be an absent MP, or “another Geoff Hoon in a skirt”, as one disgruntled activist said.
Precisely how many ‘Geoff Hoons in skirts’ have there been? And why hasn’t this received more coverage?
Honestly, the professional political commentators will soon be out of jobs.
An appeal to readers: please look out for anyone who may fit this description.
The Bolton News, 25 January 2009:
Teenager tells of club attack ordeal
A TEENAGER has described the moment he was attacked in a Bolton nightclub on his 17th birthday.
Kye Minister was assaulted in Vogue, in Bradshawgate, last month because he did not have any drugs. [...]
Police are still looking for the attacker, who is described as white and large.
Tough one, but I’ve narrowed it down. Is this him?
Thanks to Perry Gourley for pointing out the least useful eyewitness descriptors ever.
The nether regions will exist to document the manifold joys provided by local newspapers and other regional media. It will not be a bog-standard ‘OMG look at this strange/weird/bizarre/zany/bonkers news story’ kind of website (but such stories might, naturally, crop up from time to time).
The nether regions will be affectionate. It will not mock through hate, but in fact love.
The nether regions will explore what makes the regional media so special: the odd and entertaining trends and quirks of its news coverage; the relentless pandering towards popular community causes; tear-jerking ultra-local outrages; and baffling letters from members of the public. It will not be offering collectable tokens allowing readers to qualify for cut-price StenaLine ferry tickets between Harwich and the Hook of Holland.
The nether regions will remain independent and will succeed. It will not be bought out by a powerful media group and suffer large-scale staff redundancy before being given away for free to commuters in the street, and ergo will not be forced into a disproportionate reliance upon advertising revenue in order to maintain its existence.
That’s the plan, at least.